“Why There Is So Much Anger In Family Law: The Fear Factor”

Getting through a contested family law matter can be very traumatic, psychologically speaking. It is not just emotional content of the case, but it is stress and anger. It can be hard to see clearly through the feelings and anxiety. Other times, you can see these factors working on your ex: angry and irrational behavior that does not serve any purpose but complicates the case and the resolution process.

One thing that I have found can help you feel more grounded throughout the process is to remember that anger almost always indicates fear. If you find yourself angry, there is often a basis of fear beneath it. Fear that you won’t see your children. Fear that you won’t have sufficient finances for your needs. Fear that your side of the case won’t be presented properly. Fear of being cheated. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear that your ex will do something that will hurt the children, emotionally or physically.

Knowing that these things come from fear won’t make them go away; but it will help you to understand them and to understand what you need to request to alleviate those fears. Anger is usually not a very useful emotion, except as a signal. It is often damaging. But fears are real, fears show you what the real issue is and let you address it directly, rather than working from behind a shield of anger.

Once you have done this for yourself, apply it to your ex. See where the anger is. See what the fear is underneath that. Sometimes you can’t do anything to fix the fear. You can only try to avoid making it worse or prepare yourself for a reaction when the fear is touched on. Other times, once you identify the fear, you can find a way to solve the problem that alleviates the fear, instead of just giving in on the underlying conflict issue, which may not be completely related to the fear.

Not all conflicts can be avoided; nor should they, in certain cases. Knowing what is really going on, however, is always valuable. Knowledge is power, and you will learn a lot if you start tracing from anger to fears and seeing the real picture.

DISCLAIMER: All legal principles quoted are valid as of the date of writing in the State of California. However, you should NEVER base your actions on a legal article, blog, or internet story, as facts in real life are complicated. You should have your case evaluated by an attorney experienced in the area of law needed for your case. In addition, there are often exceptions and potential changes to results that occur due to facts that you may think are trivial or unimportant. This article should not be taken in any way as legal advice on your specific legal matter.

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